Life is funny. We read books upon books about love and happiness or death and despair. But life in many of those books is imaginary. Yes, what is written in those books can happen, but I realize that the fairytale story is just that, and it rarely happens in real life.
The fighting, the struggling, the crying, everything in life pushes me against love. Love is real, and we all feel love in different ways. Watching my parents get divorced and seeing how my mom is still in pain overwhelms me in sadness. When I love someone I want to be shown the same love I show that person. Girls talk about finding fairytale love, but eventually reality sets in because the love they find is not a fairytale. Mistakes are made; after all, we are all human.
With that being said, is there someone actually out there for me? There are 7 billion people in this world. Is there one person that I can love and who will love me in the same way I love him? I believe in love. I believe in finding one person to live my life with and to be my best friend. I believe in being so in love with someone that I hurt if we spend one night apart. Many people do not realize the love that can be shown by the little things we do or say and the security those things give. I struggle with insecurities about my weight and my personality. On the outside, no one would think that because I can put on a good act. But inside my head, all my insecurities and doubts just flood me.
Living in a large town compared to a small town is hard. It’s a cultural shock. Compared to my friends I am poor, and sometimes it stinks. My mom can barely pay the bills, but my friends’ parents are able to buy an expensive car, yet I still love my friends and their parents because I believe in loving everyone. When we moved here almost three years ago, I was so excited to make new friends and hopefully find my place. That was hard. I didn’t realize how much I would miss my old friends. It quickly came to me that I felt alone and lost in a hopeless world. Although I have friends now that hasn’t always been the case. However, I still love everyone no matter what.
I watch the news, the fake and the real, every day, and there is death, corruption, and people hurting other people everywhere. Yet I still believe in love. I see people living on the streets, homeless because they lost their job. People they love leave them to live there. Yet I still believe in love. I see people being bullied. Yet I still believe in love. I see people day after day being brought down by other people. Yet I still believe in love because I believe people deep down are good.
Isn’t it crazy how all these emotions can be in your head at once? One moment I am happy because I have my life together; I have good friends and a good life, but I long for something more. Often I laugh at myself at how much I have changed because of the society that now surrounds me. But change is good sometimes. The act: I go to school or work and act like I have my life together and am happy and all right. I want to be loved by someone special. I still believe in love and think that we all have something in us that can be loved. One day will someone love me?
Although I’m ready for love, I also realize that it might not ever come. But I still hold on to hope because I believe in love and the fairytale ending. I do. I might sound crazy but that love is real. I will spend my life searching because I believe.
-Sydnee